Random Guy's Rants

There is Nothing I Hate More Than Snow Than…

randomguyblog — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 21:54:27 +0000

BLOWING SNOW.

FUCK.

Fucking With Santa on MSN

randomguyblog — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 04:41:18 +0000

Well, it seems this holiday season the big guy got MSN up at the North Pole.

Love you Santa!

11:21:22 PM RandomGuy: Hey Santa!
11:21:32 PM – (G) Santa (G) -: This Microsoft Agent is powered by Windows Live Agents. Microsoft’s Privacy Statement (http://go.microsoft.com/fwlink/?LinkId=74170) applies to all information which you provide to this Microsoft Agent. Please be careful about information which you provide to online services and follow safety tips, some of which can be found at http://www.microsoft.com/athome/security/default.mspx.
11:21:32 PM – (G) Santa (G) -: Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas, RandomGuy! I’m Santa Claus!

Tell me, are you a boy or a girl?
11:21:45 PM RandomGuy: boy
11:21:49 PM – (G) Santa (G) -:

And what do you want for Christmas, RandomGuy?
11:22:00 PM RandomGuy: I want a big Red TRUCK!
11:22:02 PM – (G) Santa (G) -: That sounds nice! I’ll see what I can do, RandomGuy.

What else would you like, RandomGuy?
11:22:14 PM RandomGuy: World Domination.
11:22:16 PM – (G) Santa (G) -:

That’s a popular wish!

I’ll see what I can do!
11:22:49 PM RandomGuy: Is that all you got fatty?
11:22:51 PM – (G) Santa (G) -: Really?
11:22:54 PM RandomGuy: Fuck you.
11:22:56 PM – (G) Santa (G) -: Looks like you’re going on my naughty list!
11:23:07 PM RandomGuy: I’ll kick your ass all the way to the south pole faggot
11:23:09 PM – (G) Santa (G) -: Come on. You know better than to say things like that, it’s rude.
11:25:06 PM RandomGuy: Santa
11:25:15 PM RandomGuy: I’m sorry
11:25:16 PM – (G) Santa (G) -: What’s happening, RandomGuy?
11:25:22 PM – (G) Santa (G) -: You don’t have to apologize!
11:25:31 PM RandomGuy: I’m sorry for saying I am going to kick your ass all the way to the south pole.
11:25:31 PM – (G) Santa (G) -: You are? Wow! Is it nice?
11:25:44 PM RandomGuy: Ok, now you are just pissing me off and not listening to me.
11:25:44 PM – (G) Santa (G) -: I’ll take it as a compliment.

What do you want for Christmas, RandomGuy?
11:25:57 PM RandomGuy: For you to stop being such a fucking douche
11:25:57 PM – (G) Santa (G) -: Well, it looks like you’re getting a big pile of coal this Christmas!
11:26:06 PM RandomGuy: Grow up man, get a real job.
11:26:07 PM – (G) Santa (G) -: Interesting!

And what do you want for Christmas, RandomGuy?
11:26:17 PM RandomGuy: You make no sense, lay off the pot, fatty.
11:26:19 PM – (G) Santa (G) -: I know, I know. I just hope you won’t get mad at me.
11:26:45 PM RandomGuy: I will get mad, all you do is drink and smoke weed all day and pretend you have “elves” and shit
11:26:47 PM – (G) Santa (G) -: What a dirty mouth you have!

What do you want for Christmas, RandomGuy?
11:27:19 PM RandomGuy: I’ve had enough with you, I hope your sleigh crashes.
11:27:21 PM – (G) Santa (G) -: Oh really? How did that make you feel?

And what do you want for Christmas, RandomGuy?
11:27:56 PM RandomGuy: LATER FUCKER I’M BLOCKING YOU
11:27:57 PM – (G) Santa (G) -: Now that’s not very nice!

Ok RandomGuy, we could really use your help in the factory. We play a game up here called Factory Frenzy. Would you like to play?
11:28:07 PM RandomGuy: NO THATS FUCKING STUPID BYE
11:28:13 PM – (G) Santa (G) -: What a dirty mouth you have!
11:28:17 PM RandomGuy: …..
11:28:20 PM – (G) Santa (G) -: Ho ho ho?

What do you want for Christmas, RandomGuy?
11:31:50 PM RandomGuy: suck my penis, santa?
11:32:00 PM – (G) Santa (G) -: Looks like you’re going on my naughty list!
11:32:05 PM RandomGuy: suck my penis
11:32:06 PM – (G) Santa (G) -: Now that’s not very nice!
11:32:08 PM RandomGuy: penis
11:32:10 PM – (G) Santa (G) -: Get your head out of the gutter!
11:35:51 PM RandomGuy: I love you santa, thanks you just helped me out on my blog! Love you see you at Christmas!
11:36:00 PM – (G) Santa (G) -: What was that?
11:36:06 PM RandomGuy: I love you.
11:36:08 PM – (G) Santa (G) -: Love is the greatest four letter word!
11:36:15 PM RandomGuy: Well, I love you santa.
11:36:18 PM – (G) Santa (G) -: Well, I love you too, RandomGuy!

Ok RandomGuy, we could really use your help in the factory. We play a game up here called Factory Frenzy. Would you like to play?

My Best Internet Time…

randomguyblog — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 22:51:34 +0000

Is while going poop.

Special K “Special Dark” FUCK YOU!

randomguyblog — Thu, 22 Nov 2007 04:48:00 +0000

Man guys, last night I was enjoying some Special K Special Dark Cereal (which I completely love, by the way) and I didn’t wait for it to get soft enough (soggy I suppose) and I was just chomping away.

FUCK did I pay for it. I have 2mm of skin hanging from the top of my mouth, it’s all cut up, my tongue hurts.

Now if I was a pussy I would go to whoever the fuck makes Special K and sue their ass (I think it’s Kellogg’s.

But I am not, I instead will sit here and whine like the little baby I am until it goes away.

Until further notice I have banned Special K.

“These Are The Days of Our Lives”

randomguyblog — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 21:58:07 +0000

Wow. This has to be the dumbest quote ever. Why?

I’ll tell you why. It’s stupid. That’s why.

Obviously these are the days of your lives. Who else’s days do you think they are? When you grow old do you plan on letting other people control your days, and consequentially your life?

That was the name of someone’s shit on Facebook. I have nothing further to say on this topic.

Aftershave Is the Best Thing EVER

randomguyblog — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 04:24:13 +0000

So I started shaving recently more often than I used too. I was getting little red dots all over and puss and shit. It was gross. I’ll admit it.My brother suggested that I use aftershave, and since then (using Nivea Sensitive Skin Aftershave) I have felt like a new man! It has made such a difference.Before my face would literally burn before I went to bed, and I thought it was because of other reasons and low and behold… It was stupid aftershave.Thank you aftershave. I owe you one.

What A Fucking Weirdo

randomguyblog — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 00:46:57 +0000

So someone I know, that I do not see very often, chooses to sit about 1′ away from the T.V. I am not exaggerating.

He sits on his knees one foot from the T.V. and watches it.

I don’t even know what to say. As I am writing this, I do not know how I can explain it in anymore detail other than what I have wrote.

I don’t even know what to think of it…

Please someone, explain it to me!

FUCK YOU NALGENE!

randomguyblog — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 17:36:02 +0000

Fuck your stupid colors. Fuck your gay ass lid. Fuck you!

Why all the rage you may ask?

Because DAILY I spill while drinking with one of these fucking things. How hard is it to make an idiot proof water bottle that I don’t spill all over myself. Every time.

I’ve spilled while driving and arrived at my destination with my lap soaked. Spilled on probably every shirt I own, and probably while naked too.

So please Nalgene, go out of business.

Blog Action Day: 7 Tips To Ruin the Environment

randomguyblog — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 20:36:18 +0000

It seems the new internet fad you all are jumping on is this “blog action day” bullshit.

Well I have 7 tips here to fuck with the enviroment just a little more.

With all the followers trying to “make a difference” why don’t a few of us rebels go out and fuck it up for them?

Blog Action Day: 7 Tips to Ruin the Environment

Change your oil and dump it on a family of ducks.
Litter with items that will not biodegrade fast. Examples are plastics and batteries (break them first so the acid can run free).
Cut down a lot of trees.
Pick up your neighbors recyclables and put them in your trash (or burn them. e.g tires, plastic, etc).
Smash your lithium ion batteries and let the acid run free! Your laptop doesn’t really need a battery.
Drive around for no reason. Bonus if you remove your exhaust.
Intentionally let your gas tank overflow. Bonus if you start shooting gas everywhere instead.

There you have it, 7 tips to ruin the environment. Enjoy assholes!

Cake on the Counter

randomguyblog — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 20:15:32 +0000

If you missed my rant about Kitchen Etiquette 101, then I suggest you go read that too, or this may seem slightly out of place.

Read it? Good.

I am very observant. No really, I am. Today I noticed that the same piece of cake has been sitting on the counter since Saturday. SATUR FUCKING DAY.

It is also half eaten.