FUCK.

FUCK did I pay for it. I have 2mm of skin hanging from the top of my mouth, it’s all cut up, my tongue hurts.

Now if I was a pussy I would go to whoever the fuck makes Special K and sue their ass (I think it’s Kellogg’s.

But I am not, I instead will sit here and whine like the little baby I am until it goes away.

Until further notice I have banned Special K.

I’ll tell you why. It’s stupid. That’s why.

Obviously these are the days of your lives. Who else’s days do you think they are? When you grow old do you plan on letting other people control your days, and consequentially your life?

That was the name of someone’s shit on Facebook. I have nothing further to say on this topic.

Fuck your stupid colors. Fuck your gay ass lid. Fuck you!

Why all the rage you may ask?

Because DAILY I spill while drinking with one of these fucking things. How hard is it to make an idiot proof water bottle that I don’t spill all over myself. Every time.

I’ve spilled while driving and arrived at my destination with my lap soaked. Spilled on probably every shirt I own, and probably while naked too.

So please Nalgene, go out of business.

Well I have 7 tips here to fuck with the enviroment just a little more.

With all the followers trying to “make a difference” why don’t a few of us rebels go out and fuck it up for them?

Blog Action Day: 7 Tips to Ruin the Environment

• Change your oil and dump it on a family of ducks.
• Litter with items that will not biodegrade fast. Examples are plastics and batteries (break them first so the acid can run free).
• Cut down a lot of trees.
• Pick up your neighbors recyclables and put them in your trash (or burn them. e.g tires, plastic, etc).
•  Smash your lithium ion batteries and let the acid run free! Your laptop doesn’t really need a battery.
• Drive around for no reason. Bonus if you remove your exhaust.
• Intentionally let your gas tank overflow. Bonus if you start shooting gas everywhere instead.

There you have it, 7 tips to ruin the environment. Enjoy assholes!

Read it? Good.

I am very observant. No really, I am. Today I noticed that the same piece of cake has been sitting on the counter since Saturday. SATUR FUCKING DAY.

It is also half eaten.

You do not have girlfriends. Unless you guys licking each other in your “no no” areas. If you are not doing then you have no girlfriends. O.k?

You do not hear guys saying “I’m going over to my boyfriends house to play some video games.” Why do you not hear that? Because that would make these straight men, sound gay.

Now there is nothing wrong with people being gay. But women please do not state that you are going over to your girlfriends for dinner.

Why?

Because it makes every man think about you and your “girlfriend” having dinner together, then quickly running upstairs to get naughty. Trust me, it is a great thought for a few minutes, but then you realize what was meant. It then becomes so innocent and nonsexual.

For the sake of us men, women, please do not use the term “girlfriends,” unless you really are as evil as you’re made out to be… Which I do not think is true.

Much love and hate.

I do not care about f’ing Jennifer Lopez, J-Lo, J Lo, or whatever you call her having “twins.”

Why do I not care? Because I am sure a lot of women have twins, every day. Why aren’t we talking about them?

This is not news. Entertainment Tonight is probably the worst fucking programming on T.V. I would rather watch flippin’ infomercials about rotisserie chicken, magic hammocks, or just about anything other than Entertainment Tonight.

It is not because I hate celebrities. Because I do. I love all the pretty girls. But… I do not need to know every “detail” about their romantic getaway in Hawaii.

• Cool, Britney Spears is going through a bad divorce. So are around half of the other people getting married.
• Cool, Tom Cruise is crazy with Scientology. But that’s just silly.
• Cool, Brad Pitt has a dog. So do I.

Do ya’ll see where I am going with this? Good, because I am done.

So why don’t we worry about something a little more worthwhile? I suggest the war, poverty in Africa, poverty in your backyard, bettering yourself, loving life, or even going outside.

Love ya’s!

Those are two very valid reasons for you to stay tuned for more hate and love.

Once the fucking temperature drops to under 80*F I will be writing more.  Blogging should not require working up a sweat. Fuck you global warming.

I can not stand a dirty kitchen.

The one who stops by for lunch, comes in, makes lunch, then usually proceeds to leave everything they used out. Ok, Not everything… Just the bread, wide open on the counter. No wonder I open the bread and it is covered in mold. Twice.

The others, just leave everything in the sink that is dirty. For example, this morning I made myself some banana pancakes (if you never have, you must try them!), when it was time for me to clean the griddle, I had no where to put it. So I had to wash it on the counter.

Not having any forks also is frustrating, it seems like last night the drawer was full, now I had to take one out of the less-than-full dishwasher and hand wash it. I never knew forks could be used in such quantities.

I know how to cook. Not great, but I know some basic principles about food management.

Lasagna is not to be left out for 4 hours after being cooked. Then put away and expected to be consumed. Nothing should ever be left out for 4 hours. It completely grosses me out to even think about eating that food.

I can’t stand it. I clean my shit up. What is so hard about taking an extra 5 minutes after a meal and cleaning up? Nothing. That is the answer.

No fucking wonder we have mice.